Ms. Blueyes' Life

This past week was a little bit of a mental struggle for me.... On Wednesday this past week, I was waiting for my coach to send me my new plan for the next 2 weeks. Well, because I didn't meal prep for up to Thursday, I decided to have a "cheat meal" for dinner.... a WHOLE MEDIUM THIN CRUST PIZZA!!! 😞😟😧😮😮😮😮 This was NOT good for me mentally. The rest of the night, I physically did NOT feel good at all! then the next day, itt was the day of mental anguish if you will. Beating myself up of " WHY did I do that"? "What were you thinking"? "Why are you sabotaging yourself like this after working soooooo hard to just get to where you are right now"? "Why are you paying your coach if you are not going to follow the plan that she has set before you and will help you succeed"?  Then I received a great "surprise" in the mail... my Zyia Activewear leggings that I ordered. Now, the largest size they go up to is a size 20. I w...

Well, here it is... almost to the end of July already!!! Where has the time gone??? It feels like this year is whizzing by and so much changing... It feels/seems like the world is changing all around me, except my body. I see changes, don't get me wrong, but maybe it's not at the pace that I want it at. Of course, we would all love to have what we want or desire, like yesterday. But I know that this will take time to get the body/health that I want for myself. I didn't put this weight on overnight...can't take it off overnight. I think I've stated in previous posts that I get so frustrated at myself for allowing myself to get to the point of being morbidly obese. VERY unhealthy. How is that fair to my son? How is that fair to my family? How is that fair to me? Well, I have taken steps in order to change all that. Since May 2019, I have lost 82 pounds. Since hiring my coach in May 2020,  I have lost 15" over my whole body and 19 pounds! There's the start I n...

As I am looking at pictures of myself from way back in the day and progressing through time, I noticed that the bigger I got, the sadder my eyes became.  Oh sure, I had smiles on my face, laughing, carrying on like I was having a good time (and at that particular time, I was - in the moment). But in the quiet of the night, when I am faced to be alone with my thoughts, feelings, and just WHO I AM as a person... I was very unhappy. Depressed. LOW to NO self-esteem or care for myself.  This journey that I have been on for the last 100 years (or so it feels like), it has been quite a process to get to where I am today.  Do I like the way I look right now? NO, but I am much better than where I was even a year ago! Do I have a long way to go to be where I want/desire to be? HECK YES!!  The struggle comes when I get "snacky", lonely, caught in my own thoughts and I just want to eat...eat... eat.... BUUUUTTTTT... sometimes I cave into it - but it's MUCH better than what it w...

There are a few things that I have realized while on this journey of fat loss and re-shaping my body... **I LITERALLY dream about being on stage EVERY night... I know that I'm a ways off, but I guess I like to know what I'm working for... and right now...it's shredding this blasted fat... UGH... I guess I get so mad at myself for getting this big and damaging my body the way I have...how I've mistreated it, abused it, and took it for granted. BUT today is a new day and from where I started 2 mo ago 'til today - I FEEL and starting to look like a new person... **This is a marathon...not a sprint to get to where I want to be and accomplish.  **It's hard to be patient when you can see the end result of where you want to be. **I have to trust my coach and trust the process that she has me on... **And I need to relax and ENJO Y the journey... These things are all so hard to keep in mind while going through it - self gratification - I want it NOW - not 2-3 years ...

Has anyone ever had a patch of days where it seems like the day NEVER ends? I know I have - considering I'm just finishing my 3 day streak here! I sit here and as I write this, I mentally preparing myself to workout. It was supposed to be at 9am this morning, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I was not able to be home or have my workout "gear" with me. I also have needed to meal prep these past 2-3 days. I've been making as good of choices with nutrition as I can, but there are the "slip-ups" in there... I'm trying not to be mad at myself for making those choices, as I could've said no to myself on some items. But when the urge/feeling/neurotic "THING" that is happening inside each of us during stressful times, OVERRIDES our common senseabilities, it's a hard thing to overcome. I just know that I WILL get up, get my movement/lifting on, then meal prep for the next 4-5 days... I want/need to be back on plan with my very next meal. I...