Ms. Blueyes' Life

 I sit here going through in my mind, the mental struggle this journey has been. I look back at what mental state that I was in to where I am now. I started this weight loss journey on a serious effort May 2019 at the weight of 349 lbs. I then hired my Coach - Melanie Martin IFBB Pro - to take it to the next level in May 2020. I started with her at 289 lbs. I have then gotten down to 262 (currently at 264) and have lost 20 inches!!!!  I have had a hard time mentally being strong to push through since July 2020, but still trying. In the past I would have just given up and said, heck with it all. But then I caught the bug of body building and wanting to compete. I hated runnin (which was what I was doing for exercise  - loved the community - hated the running aspect of it). Here, I feel powerful, strong, confident (in most areas). Where I am lacking is the mental game that this sport is - which to be honest, is the most important one of them all. I have to conquer my fears ...

 How is it December already and I have noticed that I did not post at all in the month of NOV!!! WHAT??? Was I THAT busy or consumed by life to not post? Itt was a crazy month and emotions were and are all over the map it seems. I'm learning how to handle the emotional side of eating and being healthy. To change one's behaviors from a negative to a positive is taking more time than I liked. It is a continuing process of changing life long habits.  I will try to do better in posting - it has been an emotional month of Nov, but still need to document my journey of being morbidly obese to competition stage...

  Progress Report... Top is today: October 28, 2020 Bottom: May 1, 2020 More inches lost than weight, but my composition is changing!! These past 2 weeks I was NOT 100% on plan, didn't give my all in the workouts, & didn't get all my daily water in. I can't expect change if I don't change my habits and trust the process. I trust my Coach @exl7bcamp, but wrestling with trusting myself. I'm a work in progress... I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!! I am a LADYBOSS! 💪 🔥 💥 **** # GoalsToCrush   # FutureWellnessCompetitor 👙 👙   # HardWork   # LoveMyCoach   # ProgressNotPerfection   # NutritionIsKey   # Nutrition   # HealthyMama   # MomsWhoLift This is NOT an easy road to travel - NO WAY - NO SIR! But we all have to start somewhere. I have to keep reminding myself that the longer I sabotage my eating/workouts, the longer it's going to take to get on stage to compete. Here's to the next 2 weeks!

 Here it is in the middle of October already! TIME JUST FLIES BY!!!   I did my progress pics for my Coach this past Wed and in the past 2 weeks, I've lost 12.2 pounds!! WHAT THE WHAT???!!! I just have to stay on this path, eat what is on plan, workout and give my all in the workouts and it WILL pay off. I have to be patient (yeah, that's a hard one for me), TRUST the PROCESS, and TRUST my Coach! Here are the pics:  The top was taken this past Wed, Oct. 14th and the bottom is when I started with my Coach - May 1, 2020. Before I started with my coach, I was doing the LadyBoss program and lost 60 pounds in a year. I hired Coach Melanie Martin, IFBB Pro to take me to the next level. I then caught the bug of being on stage to compete in a competition - WELLNESS.  This Blog is to document my journey - the good, the bad, the ugly - all here.  Trust the process.... YOU CAN DO IT!

 Can you believe that it's October already?? HOLY MOLY CANOLI! !!  Well, I went to CA this past weekend to surprise my bestie for her wedding... WHAT A TIME WE HAD!!!  However, with all that good time, came bad eating choices. But I knew going in that I was not going to be eating on plan.  When I got home, I sure enough had gained weight from that weekend - but again, NOT surprised by it at all. So, went grocery shopping, meal prepped, and staying on plan - let's see where these next 2 weeks take me! I'm ready to shred this fat and get busy changing my body composition. Here are the progress pics and other things to help those that may be struggling....

 As I sit here on September 21st - I wanted to apologize for not keeping a better record of what's been going on and being able to document my journey to be a Wellness BodyBuilding competitor.  I can see that this is going to be a long, hard road, but going to be OH SO WORTH IT! As you know, I have really struggled mentally this past summer. I don't know really WHY it has taken so long to get out of this "funk", but I have to get it together in order for me to push through and compete when I want to. My Coach says about 3 years...of course I'm too impatient to wait that long and want to do it in 2 years. WELLLLLLL, in order for me to do that, I need to get my head in the game and stop playin' around! I need to get serious about my diet - the workouts - and just mentally getting stronger. The workouts have been great! I've been pushing myself to go hard - I've even increased my weights to 10 lbs each side vs. only 8's - so this is great! Now, I need...

 WOW!!! September already!!! TIME is FLYING by! How are we doing out there? I know that the last couple of my posts have been about this mental block or wall that I hit and REALLY struggled with.  I have a tendency to be so impatient! I feel like a turtle in my progress, as I want to be fit and cut (ready for stage) RIGHT NOW !!! However, I also know that I didn't get this size overnight either. I have to trust the process. I have to trust my Coach. I need to remember to ENJOY the journey - even when it's hard.  So as it starts a new month, I have a NEW MINDSET . Be thankful - there is ALWAYS something that I can be thankful for.  I'm thankful for movement today and the ability to get up and yes...even meal prep! :). What are YOU thankful for? What is YOUR mindset for this month? Share in the comments below - I would LOVE to hear from you!

 As I'm reflecting on this past month - emotionally and mentally has been a brutal one! I don't know what happened or what the real issue was/is, but it has been hard to stay focused and "on point" with the nutrition and workouts... I think it all started when I went on vacation and had a "treat meal"... it totally threw my game off for some reason. It was NOT my first treat meal by any means, but just the mindset was maybe off to get back on plan the next day. Today's workout I was motivated, positive mindset, ready to rock it out and COMPLETE the workout with Coach.  I completed the first block (out of 3 usually) and then I started to feel nauseous and light headed (like I was going to pass out). I had to stop. THEN the discouragement and frustration kicked in.  I was trying not to have negative self talk, but MAN is it hard NOT to do! What do YOU do to get out of a funk/mental block? I'm trying and I know that Rome was NOT built in a day, so ne...

 It's been a few weeks since I have posted....  I have been in a weird, funky place mentally and having some difficulty snapping out of it for some reason. Normally, I deal with whatever the issue is and keep it movin'  - HUSTLIN' !  But not these past 2 weeks. I don't know if I just hit a MINOR wall? My 50th birthday coming up and living in a state that I'm not real happy to be in at the moment? Feeling isolated? Is it hormones? Feeling/being tired all the time (or at least feels like it)?  But here's the thing - I've been here for almost a year with the same circumstances, why is it affecting me these past 2 weeks?  All I know is, I better get my act together and get it going! I have goals to slay! I have dreams to be reality! I have a vision for myself and where I am sitting right now...is NOT it! Has anyone else hit that wall and if so, how did you overcome it mentally to get back in the game? I need some adjustments and encouragement to get through t...

 Yes, it has been a little bit since I last wrote... I've been on vacation in Kentucky to see old friends, that are actually more like family! I meal prepped, exercised, but I did have 2 HUGE treat meals in 10 days.... THIS people... IS NOT GOOD !!! I failed to realize how much it would not only affect me physically, but mentally. In my mind, at the time, I was enjoying ONE meal. The rest of the time I was eating on plan, exercising - the whole nine. HOWEVER .... looking back, if I was truly honest with myself... I was NOT on plan. Little snacks here and there at the lake. Oh one little handful of trail mix won't hurt. UH...but it did. I gained weight, my measurements were at a plus, and I had to be honest with Coach. So how do you recover from something like this?? I accept where I "oopsed" or "messed up" or even "failed" and we start with the VERY NEXT MEAL to get back on track nutritionally.  But here's the hard part... MENTALLY . This is...

This past week was a little bit of a mental struggle for me.... On Wednesday this past week, I was waiting for my coach to send me my new plan for the next 2 weeks. Well, because I didn't meal prep for up to Thursday, I decided to have a "cheat meal" for dinner.... a WHOLE MEDIUM THIN CRUST PIZZA!!! 😞😟😧😮😮😮😮 This was NOT good for me mentally. The rest of the night, I physically did NOT feel good at all! then the next day, itt was the day of mental anguish if you will. Beating myself up of " WHY did I do that"? "What were you thinking"? "Why are you sabotaging yourself like this after working soooooo hard to just get to where you are right now"? "Why are you paying your coach if you are not going to follow the plan that she has set before you and will help you succeed"?  Then I received a great "surprise" in the mail... my Zyia Activewear leggings that I ordered. Now, the largest size they go up to is a size 20. I w...

Well, here it is... almost to the end of July already!!! Where has the time gone??? It feels like this year is whizzing by and so much changing... It feels/seems like the world is changing all around me, except my body. I see changes, don't get me wrong, but maybe it's not at the pace that I want it at. Of course, we would all love to have what we want or desire, like yesterday. But I know that this will take time to get the body/health that I want for myself. I didn't put this weight on overnight...can't take it off overnight. I think I've stated in previous posts that I get so frustrated at myself for allowing myself to get to the point of being morbidly obese. VERY unhealthy. How is that fair to my son? How is that fair to my family? How is that fair to me? Well, I have taken steps in order to change all that. Since May 2019, I have lost 82 pounds. Since hiring my coach in May 2020,  I have lost 15" over my whole body and 19 pounds! There's the start I n...

As I am looking at pictures of myself from way back in the day and progressing through time, I noticed that the bigger I got, the sadder my eyes became.  Oh sure, I had smiles on my face, laughing, carrying on like I was having a good time (and at that particular time, I was - in the moment). But in the quiet of the night, when I am faced to be alone with my thoughts, feelings, and just WHO I AM as a person... I was very unhappy. Depressed. LOW to NO self-esteem or care for myself.  This journey that I have been on for the last 100 years (or so it feels like), it has been quite a process to get to where I am today.  Do I like the way I look right now? NO, but I am much better than where I was even a year ago! Do I have a long way to go to be where I want/desire to be? HECK YES!!  The struggle comes when I get "snacky", lonely, caught in my own thoughts and I just want to eat...eat... eat.... BUUUUTTTTT... sometimes I cave into it - but it's MUCH better than what it w...

There are a few things that I have realized while on this journey of fat loss and re-shaping my body... **I LITERALLY dream about being on stage EVERY night... I know that I'm a ways off, but I guess I like to know what I'm working for... and right now...it's shredding this blasted fat... UGH... I guess I get so mad at myself for getting this big and damaging my body the way I have...how I've mistreated it, abused it, and took it for granted. BUT today is a new day and from where I started 2 mo ago 'til today - I FEEL and starting to look like a new person... **This is a marathon...not a sprint to get to where I want to be and accomplish.  **It's hard to be patient when you can see the end result of where you want to be. **I have to trust my coach and trust the process that she has me on... **And I need to relax and ENJO Y the journey... These things are all so hard to keep in mind while going through it - self gratification - I want it NOW - not 2-3 years ...

Has anyone ever had a patch of days where it seems like the day NEVER ends? I know I have - considering I'm just finishing my 3 day streak here! I sit here and as I write this, I mentally preparing myself to workout. It was supposed to be at 9am this morning, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I was not able to be home or have my workout "gear" with me. I also have needed to meal prep these past 2-3 days. I've been making as good of choices with nutrition as I can, but there are the "slip-ups" in there... I'm trying not to be mad at myself for making those choices, as I could've said no to myself on some items. But when the urge/feeling/neurotic "THING" that is happening inside each of us during stressful times, OVERRIDES our common senseabilities, it's a hard thing to overcome. I just know that I WILL get up, get my movement/lifting on, then meal prep for the next 4-5 days... I want/need to be back on plan with my very next meal. I...