Hello Bee Hive family!
It's been a little crazy over here at the Bee Hive! So many things have been happening and going through some tough stuff, but also some exciting news as well!
First, the EXCITING news! Even though I have been living in KY for 2 1/2 years, and really loving the area, I'm moving my little pea pod family (my 14 yr old son and I) back to WI to help my Mama with my Daddy. He has Alzheimer's and is fading more and more and she needs help. That's not the exciting part. The exciting part of that is that we will be reunited with family. My younger brother lives across the driveway, but Mama needs more help.
I will be putting my house on the market beginning of April and PRAYING that we can get top dollar for it as we make the move back up north. We hope to be back up there 1st of June. So, we've been busy packing boxes, sorting, selling, de-cluttering things to be able to present our best for the buyers. It's stressful being a single Mama, working FT, and different appointments, son's girlfriend's volleyball games he NEEEEEDS to attend (LOL), all the while keeping the house going. WHEW!
Now for the tough stuff. For the past week or so, I've been feeling very depressed, sad, and unmotivated to do ANYTHING! I think that's why I haven't gotten as far along in my packing as I've wanted to be by this time. Feelings of: "If I weren't so fat, I would have a man", "I can never lose this weight and by happy", "Why can't I be consistent with my journey?", "Why am I not finding any joy in anything?" all come into play. The loneliness that I feel is very real and strong, as an almost 54 year old woman who has never been married may be feeling. Yes, I have my son, but I really only have him 4 more years before he goes off and lives his life to the fullest. Then what? I don't want to be 60 and still in this same state that I'm in.
I had an encounter with God today. The stress of the move, getting a place to live up in WI, to a job that I can transfer with, financially making it til I sell the house, guiding my son still, worried about Mama/Daddy, all the things... He says, "Be still. I have you. Just RELAX and TRUST ME. Your plans and what you think is best for you in your situation, may not be My plans for you. YOU are NOT in control and you need to give up that control to Me". Now, it's just taking one day at a time. One meal at a time. Getting up to workout/stretch/get movement in. Drinking my water. GETTING SLEEP! Setting new routines and being consistent with them. Get my fire 🔥🔥🔥 back for working out and feeling good. I fight depression a lot, and. yes, I'm on medicine - just seems like there is always a lot on my plate at one time. But... GOD HAS IT. I TRUST IN HIM. HE WILL GUIDE ME.
I'm learning to love the body that I'm currently in as God and I change it daily and enjoying the process.
Keep going Bee Hive... Keep going.
