Lincoln & his Mama

Well, I am 6 mo along in this journey and feeling very overwhelmed still by it all. I know that it will be ok - just never got this far in a pregnancy or the reality of actually becoming a Mama is coming into play. The reality that my son will be here in about 4 months is crazy!!! I'm super excited and nervous all at the same time... I guess that's normal...

Seeing my belly stretch & feeling Lincoln kick and move all around is very exciting and wierd all at the same time! I will keep ya'all posted..

Update on Lincoln

Well, I just had 4 wisdom teeth and a molar taken out on Thursday and now there is a slight infection....but it's causing me not to sleep very well or even eat... so I worry about Lincoln and his growth, but the Dr's don't seem to be worried... I guess only Mama Bear is...

I'm 17 weeks along now and moving into my own place... that's exciting! A 2 bedroom, 1 bath apt... for Lincoln and I to call home...

Still looking for work and trusting Jesus to provide for all of our needs - HE is capable and I look forward to seeing how He does it...

Missing everyone at home... hope to see you all when I come for a visit...

UPDATE on "Lil' Bean"

Well, I'm in the 15th week of pregnancy and had to buy maternity clothes today. My belly is starting to take form and it's weird and exciting all at the same time! I have had several ultrasounds and it's just amazing from the first time I saw him looking like a Lil Bean to now just legs are a kickin' and arms movin'.... WOW!!! My next ultrasound is Oct. 8th and from what the ultrasound tech said almost 3 weeks ago, it LOOKS like a boy - but will be hopefully confirmed next week... I sit here just AMAZED!!! Lincoln Dupri (as of right now) is on his way and I'm truly excited about it... I know that it's going to be a long hard road, but I know that Jesus is with me... as I ask for guidance daily, HIS wisdom, and to be with this precious lil' one...

Housing is coming together and now, it's just a job. Unemployment will only go so far and I am praying that the job that God has for me will come soon... but only in HIS time will it be right....

Here's to being quiet, patient, and waiting upon Him to lead....

Life presents challenges and surprises....

Well...
I sit here a day after my 39th birthday and I do feel older.... Not because of the number on my body years, but the experiences that I have faced and gone through in my life. 2 weeks ago, I was given the experience that would change my life FOREVER! I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant from my little excursion in Hilton Head Island, SC over the 4th. The father wants nothing to do with the baby, so here I go at it alone. Feels like the 1st time all over again, but in a different way. Yes, I feel abandoned by the baby daddy, but I don't feel abandoned by my HEAVENLY FATHER - who is WAYYYYY more competent and trustworthy than any human here on earth. I thank Him for this blessing amongst my sin - the consequence of my blatent sinning against God, but is turning out to be used by God as a blessing and learning tool for my spiritual growth. AMAZING...

1st Dr appt is tomorrow and I hope to get an ultrasound to see Lil' Bean...lol...

What life brings....

Coming off the high...

So here I am 3 weeks post-baptism and I can defineatley say that I'm off the baptism "high"...
Satan is alive and well people... he knows the buttons to push and try to cause you to stumble and fall....as he did for me this past weekend... but you know, the GREAT thing of it is, is that Jesus supplies GRACE and MERCY to us all! I am under HIS GRACE! Yes, I am going to stumble and fall, but HE loves me anyways...HE accepts me and shows me what HE wants me to do... just amazing to me how God works...

Still looking for work... didn't get a job that I really wanted.. interviewed for, background check, the whole 9, but not hired... but still have some other possibilites in the works... only God knows what is best for me and I have to trust Him with that...

Keep ya'all posted...

The faithfulness of God

What can I say about the faithfulness and goodness of God?

• He has provided more opportunities for me to see how I can trust HIM with everything in my life - finances, men, living situation, past hurts, schooling, and other heart issues...
• He is showing me areas that I didn't realize that I needed to hand over to Him for Him to take complete control over...
• The joy that comes from knowing Him and being in HIS love, my heartbeat is HIS heartbeat...

Doesn't everyone want that?

Interesting....

*How much I feel like I belong in Africa, more and more each day

*How much I want to be working where God wants me to work

*How much I really want to be with this man from Ghana and wonder if it's really ever gonna happen???

*How my mom keeps getting sick/hurt/in pain and I can't be there to comfort her

*How I'm going to be an auntie for the 6th time!!!!

*How I have so many dreams and wonder if any of them are going to be coming true in my lifetime

Chaylie Morgan....

Well, today would have been Chaylie's 6th birthday already! An almost 1st grader!! WOW how time flies...

At times, I am glad she is not here to experience or see Mommy strugglin'... but of course my heart aches for her so deeply on some days, that it is beyond me. It's weird... there will be days that I don't think about her or miss her... yet, there are other days where she is constantly on my mind. Today, is one of those kind of days. I haven't cried or boo-hoo'd, just quiet. Reflective.

Mommy loves you Chaylie...and I miss you with ALL of my heart, soul, mind, and being... see you in Heaven...

Feeling the Blahs....of Life

Well, here I sit on May 15th... a Friday night... and what am I doing? Laundry and writing yet another paper... UUUGGGGHHHHH!!! I will be SOOOOOO glad when these programs, especially this class that I'm in right now is over and done with!!! I'm in Strategies for Competitive Advantage... WHAT THE ?&(#O(!!!! Talk about SNOOOOZVILLE!!! I had to go to my local school district office to gather some stats to write this paper and incorporate the info with a scenario that the prof wrote... AGAIN... WHAT THE &#*^!!!!

Ok... on to more pleasant things... I'll be walking in commencement July 11th and my parents surprised me by telling me they are flying out for the graduation ceremony!!! My younger brother and THE GANG are coming too!!! I'm soooo excited to have my whole family (minus the big brother) there and see where I live, friends and meet my adopted KY family that I have here... SO C'MOOOOOON JUUUUULY!!!! That's the thing that is keeping me going....

OH! I started a woman's Bible Study group on Monday nights and it's called a LifeGroup. I just started this past Monday, but I can tell that I'm really going to love this group. We share with one another, dig deeper from what the pastor was preaching about on Sunday, and build great friendships.... so I'm really looking forward to that...

I am taking several classes at the gym I belong to and am training for a 5k run at the end of September... it's doable and I'm looking forward to it. I will then move up to run a mini-marathon, then a full one... I'd like to complete the mini-marathon by my 40th birthday, which is Aug of next year, so this is a very doable goal for me....

Let's see...dating a man from Ghana! He is wonderful (so far, but I'm still holding my breath on this and enjoying the time that we share)... taking one day at a time to see what is revealed through time.... I'll keep you posted on this one - Shadrach Kotey is his name.

Fighting the blah's because I'm not working and tired of Carmen talking about the twins all the time. It's hard as Chaylie's birthday is Sunday - she would've been 6 years old already... can you believe it??? WOW... Kindergarten/1st grade already...how time flies.... Mother's Day is always hard and the following week is her birthday, so I get hit emotionally for 2 weeks in a row EVERY year... I just hope and pray that it will get easier as time passes... I pray....

Well, back to the paper I go... BLAH....

WONDERING....

• How does any company think someone can live off of $7.75/hour??? I had a job interview today and the rate of pay was that.. but wait! Training - $6/hour, job shadowing - $6.75, assistant youth worker - $7.00/hour & the job I applied for $7.75/hour - all of course passing probation of 90 days and IF there's an opening then...
• Still haven't received my 1st unemployment check - called today - will be calling tomorrow
• Had a GREAT time in Washington, D.C. with my best friend, Ken! Even met a guy there, from Ghana!! His name is Kotey and he calls me at least 2x a day with a text message or two throughout the day... we will see....
• Marvin - NY man - is communicating more ever since I decided to back up off that! He's talking about how much he misses me...blah blah blah....gotta work for this one dear one... put in the work to SHOW ME you serious!!!
• Will I ever get a job to be able to support myself????

I miss my friends and family....

Blah Blah Blah

Here it is the day before taxes are due and what happens....I get audited by the state of California for LAST year (2007) state's taxes!!! YIKES!!!

I'm just feeling kinda blah here lately - I think all due to my being unemployed, school coming to the end (or near it in Sept), just frustrated in not being able to get a job... but I have to remember that God is good and that He is going to help and see me through....

UGGGGHHHHH

Back in Kentucky

WOW.... what a trip! I had a trip that I really won't forget. My grandmother passed away, so I flew home to California for the funeral.... AMAZING things happened there - was able to see more of WHO my Mama is...as a person, not just a "mom figure"... saw some dear friends that I have missed so terribly....

I got in 2am EST this morning... going to take a nap and take it easy before Easter Sunday... which I'm really looking forward to...

Feels good to be back in KY and it was good to be home in CA as well...

THE Trip

Here I am... the night before I leave home, tired as all get out and can't sleep. Am I excited? Yes and no. Going home to bury my grandma, so the sad part of the trip is that. But I'm excited to see my friends and family again, since it's been about 5 months since I have seen them last.

On to our journey... I will blog when I get back to let you know how it went... I will be gone for 10 days... I may blog while I am at home, but no promises.... lol

Crazy twists of life!

Well, here I sit on a Friday afternoon...talking to my current love interest...and I received a phone call from my ex saying he has a stand or version of MERSA!!! Can you belive that??? That is just crazy!!! Even though we are not together, I hope he will be ok...

Now, I'm counting down the days until I go home to see family and say goodbye to my grandma.... It will be nice to see friends and family again - but too bad under these circumstances... :o(

Looking for work seems grim! All over the country - no companies are hiring right now... but I'm still blessed and highly favored... SOMETHING will come through - soon, I pray...

WHAT A WEEK!!!

Hello there! Well, once again, my life has ups, downs, and lessons to be learned. Sunday I learned that my grandmother passed away and me being unemployed, has been trying to figure out how to get home to California.... well, I will just have to miss the memorial service. This has brought me to the lesson of the week, which seems to be a re-occurring one - TRUSTING IN GOD - for all my needs. I have to be wise with my spending. Sure, I could've put the plane tickets on my credit card, but not having a job, that would be to me, dumb spending.

I also found out that I'm going to be Godmother to TWINS!!! That's right! My roommate, Carmen, is having TWINS!!! Unbelievable! Her hubby is being deployed actually THIS Friday and will be gone until May 2010... he's going to Iraq. Keep him in ya prayers. So we are excited about this....

Still doing my Master's degree... have 4 classes after the one that I'm in and I'll be DONE!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!! Not much longer... C'MON Sept!!!!

Here's to another week!

These past 2 months...

Have been incredible! When I moved to Lexington, KY, I was in a sort of funk. I was miserable for a very long time.... LONG before I moved to KY. But the move has done me well - after a series of events that has taken place....

I was working, now I'm laid off for about 3 weeks now... but not worried as God is faithful and He will see me through this rough patch...

Waiting is the toughest thing for me to do... I'm a go getter... let's make things happen.... so waiting is NOT my strong point! lol